Things I’ve learned about Facebook

This was a very tongue in cheek list I made back in 2012. I think most of it holds true to this day!

(Caution: contains crass language)

1. Never like any page for any reason (your timeline will be forever polluted by stupid shit no one ever wants to read)
2. Never use any apps, because your friends get annoying notifications asking them to play some stupid ass game no one wants to join
3. Don’t post notes, ain’t nobody got time to read that
4. The same 3 posts will be at the top of your newsfeed all day long
5. You will regularly receive event invitations to things that either are happening online only, or are located on the other side of the country
6. Don’t join groups for the same reason as Rule #1
7. Commenting on a public post means you will receive hundreds of notifications of people you don’t know commenting on it as well
   • The unfollow post button is the best thing ever
8. You will occasionally hear from an annoying twat from highschool who you never liked to begin with and can’t remember friending in the first place
9. Intellectually stimulating posts will be ignored, but your silly picture will get 500 likes and over 100 shares
10. You never see a chat notification until it appears in your messages the next day
11. At least half of your photos with you tagged in it will not actually be pictures of you
12. Nobody actually uses the timeline feature to go back beyond a day
13. No one understands what privacy settings are
14. People actually believe that liking a picture will change the world
15. While posting on Facebook about something happening in the world, your ignorance and incompetence are magnified at least by a factor of 50
16. Nobody gives a fuck about what song you are listening to
17. Half of your friends won’t actually have a profile picture of themselves
18. Half of the relationship statuses aren’t true, same with lists of relatives
19. Nobody cares what location you are checking in to
20. You’ll find out about important life events in your friend’s lives on Facebook before you hear about it from them or anyone else
21. “If its incriminating or might get me in trouble, I should post it to Facebook!”